Things you need to know about IH

By Hemish Goodeal

So, after not getting your first choice of accommodation, you’re now in International Hall. But don’t worry, you’ll soon learn that IH is actually pretty good and your ‘friends’ from other intercollegiate halls will become jealous as soon as they see your fancy Willy Wonka glass elevator.

For starters, IH is officially the second biggest student accommodation in London. The winner is actually some random private hall that you could only afford if you still refer to your father as “daddy”.

According to my friend, Wikipedia, IH was refurbished in 2003 and this explains all the glass. Every room has a shiny, not-yet-discoloured desk, wardrobe and shelf, and as soon as you see your friend’s room from other halls, you’ll be grateful.

There are approximately over 800 residents every year. 800! That’s enough people to occupy Heythrop College in Kensington, with 100 left to spare. But then again, who would want to study at Heythrop? Of your 799 neighbours, half of them will be international students (hence the name), and the other half will be home students. Unlike other halls, there is a healthy mix of yuppy undergrads, postgrads and residents with families.
The hall has a few ‘wings’, each with their own unique characteristic and smell:

• North Wing: The main wing to see undergrads getting ready to go out instead of doing their assignments.
• West Wing: Basically, the same as the North Wing, but each floor is assigned to a specific gender. You can genuinely tell which floor you are on according to the smell. Female: Sweet. Male: Sweat.
• Central Wing: The newest wing of the hall, this wing consists mainly of posh ‘studio flats’ with, get this, their own toilet – why even bother venturing outside? The main demographic consists of hardworking postgrads with their own kitchens, so expect an eerie silence and strange smell when navigating these parts.
• The Lansdowne Flats: These are the Georgian buildings you see from the outside of IH. These flats are huge and are some of the swarviest houses to be considered ‘student accommodation’. These flats house some of the younger residents of IH, as students and their families reside here.

Unless you’re expecting a Michelin star canteen, the food here is pretty good. If you ever disagree with me, just be grateful that I’m not the one cooking for you. Surprisingly, some of the best conversations you’ll have this year will be with the canteen staff.

Settling In

Congratulations – you are now a student. For many, this means that you can write a thesis on Van Der Waals Forces, but you wouldn’t know how to boil an egg.

In order for your mummy to call you every other day, why not give her your new phone number? Go down to reception, tell them your room number, and they’ll give you 4 digits in return.

Add these four digits to the following, and this is your new home phone number: (+44) 020 7822 XXXX

More importantly, if you need to keep in contact with Amazon.co.uk, here is your new postal address:

Name
Room Number
International Hall
Lansdowne Terrace
LONDON
WC1N 1AS

Etiquette 

To help you settle into the life of IH, here are a few unwritten rules/tips that you may like to know before it’s too late...

• You can’t really hear other people talking in the room next to you, but...
• You can hear every detail when the bed starts knocking against the wall.
• Everyone can hear you if you talk in the corridors.
•  It is acceptable to walk to and from the communal bathrooms in your towel.
• Do not stop and talk to someone if they are only wearing a towel.
• When queuing up in the canteen during ‘rush hour’, always get in the queue that starts next to the soup thing, even if you’re not getting soup. Don’t try and skip this queue and go straight for the main course – this will start another queue and all hell will break lose.
• When queuing up for your drink, make sure you have your cup/mug ready first – don’t use your tray to ‘save your space’ as this will sooner or later cause a messy pile-up.
•  It is sometimes really difficult for the turnstiles to read your card – you will experience this problem. The barcode always faces reception, and scan the entire length of your card slowly. If this fails after 3 attempts, let the person behind you go ahead and see reception.
• Don’t leave your bin out in the corridor. If everyone else can manage keeping it in their room, then so can you.
• Don’t be a scab and steal from the fridge. What would your proud mother say if she knew that her precious, perfect and oh-so-clever child was stealing someone else’s cheese? She’d say, “wow, my child’s a real scab”.
• If you’re getting fed up of paying the £1.50 overnight guest fee, just do what I do and get your guest to pay...maybe that’s why I never got a girlfriend last year? Either way, £1.50 for a room in Central London is a bargain to guests.
• Don’t leave your filthy canteen trays in the communal kitchens – you’re not even meant to take them out of the canteen. Instead, take down your own crockery and stink up your room as much as you like.